Allchildrenshouldplaysport

　　Thesportisverygoodforus，itgiveusalotofhealthy，strongandfun。
　　First，playsportcanmakeyouhealthier。
　　Playsportcanmakeyoustrong，whenIwasalittlechild，Ididnotlikesport，andIthinksportsareallveryboard，soIneverplaysportb，thanIalwayssick。Butoneday，myfriendstoldmeagame，，myfriendtoldmeagain，ifIwonthisgame，Icanhaveagift！ThenIplayedthebadminton，weplayedthebadmintonawholeafternoon，atlast，Iwon，Ihaveagift！Aftertheday，Ialwaysplaysport，thanInoteasilygotsick。Sportseveryday，keepsthedoctoraway。
　　Second，playsportscanmakeyoualotoffriends。Ialreadysaid，whenIwasalittlechild，Ialwayssick，soIalwaysathome，Ididnothavefriends。But，Iplayedsports，Isawalotofmyclassmatesandmyfriends，theyallplayedsportsbefore，Itriedtojoinwiththem，soweplayedtogether，thenalotofdaysago，weallmakefriends，Ihavemorefriendstoo。
　　Third，playsportscanrelievestudypressure。Now，ourstudyisveryimportant，weallneedmorehardtostudy，wecannotdoalotofrest。Soinschoolsportsarewebestchose，itcanrelievestudy。
　　Playsportsareverygood，sportsallveryhealthyforus，weneedplaysportscanhelpusmoreclearheadedtodothethings，soallchildrenshouldhavetoplaysports。
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　　修改后：
　　Doingsportsisverygoodforus，whichmakesushealthy，strongandhappy。
　　First，doingsportscanmakeyouhealthierandstronger。WhenIwasalittlechild，Ididnotlikesports。BecauseIthoughttheywereallboring，Ineverdosports。Atthattime，Iwasalwayssick。Tilloneday，myfriendtoldmeagame，。HesaidthatIcouldhaveagiftifIwon。ThenIplayedwithhimthewholeafternoon。Atlast，IwonandIgotagift！Afterthatday，Ialwaysdidsomesports，anddaybyday，Iwasnoteasilytogetsick。Ibecamestrongerandstronger。
　　Second，doingsportscanhelpyougetalotoffriends。WhenIwasalittlechild，Ialwaysstayedathome。SoIhavegotfewfrineds。WhenIstartedtoplaybadminton，Isawalotofchildrendoingsportsthere。Itriedtojointhem，andweplayedtogether。Weallgotwellwitheachother，andImadelotoffriendstoo。
　　Third，doingsportscanrelievestudypressure。Now，studyisveryimportantforus，weallneedtoworkhard。Wehavelesstimetohavearest。Sowhenwehavetime，wehadbetterdosomesportstorelax。
　　Doingsportscanhelpusbemoreclearheaded，soallofusshouldgetsometimetodosports。
　　修改老师：Crystal老师span
　　初一：顾奔豪